Reclaiming fun!

          Thank you, Shonna!

          One could say I quit this summer. I haven’t written much of anything. Most of what I have written is non-fiction, this blog and my personal blog. Even though in the past I’ve had little patience for the excuse, “I’m just not inspired,” that’s exactly how I felt for the past few months. Whenever I forced myself to sit down and write, the words would have to be pulled and dragged and pried from my mind. It got to be exhausting work. And, true to form, instead of confronting the issue and discovering why it was getting so difficult, I turned my attention to other things and procrastinated.

          In my defense, I had a lot of help from life. I’ve taken on expected and unexpected jobs at home and at church. I’m learning how to can fruit and vegetables, how to make pickles and how to preserve food at a new level. (Me expertise until now has been in finding the best deals at the market.) I took over bookkeeping duties and other business activities. In short, I’ve been busy, busy, busy.

          On top of that, I’ve had to deal with my own doubts. (Or rather, true to my personality, try to ignore them as I put off dealing with them. ) Am I really capable of crafting a story? Am I just wasting my time? Shouldn’t I focus my energy on more important things, considering this economy? I mean, really, will I ever be able to publish anything? I’ve wondered, often, if I should just quit. I just never got around to really scrutinizing, assessing and evaluating the decision.

          Score! Procrastination: 1; Discipline: 0

          Never again will I think of procrastination as a purely negative trait. This latest bout and battle with it gave me the much-needed break I wasn’t giving myself. I realize now, I was trying to force too much. I had my focus on the wrong thing. No longer was it about the pure joy of crafting a story. I had to get published. When the stories got harder to craft (probably my mind whimpering for a break), I thought I needed to buckle down and work harder. Be more disciplined. After all, I need to get published, don’t I?;

          Or do I? Is that really why I write? In a class I took recently, author Allison Brennan asked us, “If you knew for certain you would never be published, would you still write?’ At the time and even now, I can answer with an unequivocal and passionate, “Yes!” I will always be crafting characters, scenes and complete stories in my head, on the computer and even in longhand for as long as I breathe. What I didn’t realize at the time, though, is that I need to let go of the idea of publishing. It is ruining my writing!

          Yes, I want to entertain and influence others with my stories. Yes, I hope one day my stories are publishable and published. Yes, I want to be remembered as a great storyteller. It just doesn’t have to happen in my lifetime. I’ll craft the stories, I’ll play with my characters and create my new, fantasy-filled worlds. I’ll do it first for me and then I’ll share them with those around me. Maybe, when I and they are ready, I’ll see them in print. Maybe not. That’s okay. I have my friends back.

          And all because Shonna issued us a challenge. Thanks, Shonna. You encouraged me to really look at what I want, why I want it and how to get it back. Next week, I’ll talk about specific goals, but for now, I just want to write. Whatever and whenever I want. No pressure. No rules. Just fun.

          I will reclaim the fun!