Tiny Goals, Big Progress

          In December here at Routines for Writers the conversation usually turns toward goals. Those of us (not me!) who are good at thinking ahead, realize January, the season of Resolutions is almost here. Thoughts of turning over new leaves, starting over, making progress or just taking stock will soon replace the more immediate thoughts of what to get or give or do that dominate these holidays. And those of us with experience (maybe me) know that thinking about those plans and goals now will help make January a month of progress and success, So, here at Routines for Writers, we talk about goals in January.

          My goals may seem small to most of you, but I’m coming to realize that is what I need right now. Small, doable goals. Goals that matter, even if only to me. Goals that provide their own intrinsic motivation and need no external reason or reward. My goals are what I need now in order to make the life-progress. Career progress can wait.

          The past year has been full of changes and emotions that have left me . . . fragile. Hmmm . . . not quite the right word. Maybe tempered is a better word. Yes, there has been a measure of fragility. More importantly, though, there has been a strengthening that continues to grow. On one level, I’m a mass of fear and insecurity. On another level, though, I’m engulfed in flaming determination shot through with ever-growing glimpses of confidence.

          Even so, writing is still coming hard. I’m writing, but not as much nor as easily as I would like. I feel like I imagine a stroke victim would feel trying to learn to talk or walk again. The tongue or the legs or the hand refuse to do what the mind tells them. The words are there, but can’t be formed. Or the idea is there, but the words to express it can’t be found. My stumbling attempts at stories keep falling far short of what I remember being able to create.

          Obviously, I can still string words together. I’ve been doing it on this blog every Monday for . . . how long? What looks like such a simple post, though, in recent months has come at great effort. Effort I relish; effort I want to expend; effort that is my lifeline, but effort all the same.

          I’ve had to force every bit of writing written. I’ve pushed and pulled, coaxed, conjoled and threatened. Words that used to flow onto the paper (or keyboard) from subconscious to consciousness through pen (or fingers) are fighting to stay undiscovered, hiding and scurrying deep into the recesses of my mind. Tasks, such as writing catch-up emails to long-distance friends and relatives, that used to come so easy and bring such enjoyment, are onerous chores. The simplest “Hi! How are you?” letter takes way more time to compose than it ever did in the past.

          But that’s okay! That’s actually what I need to do. Keep writing. A stroke victim relearns simple everyday tasks by doing those simple movements, like moving hand to mouth or swinging a leg back and forth, hundreds and thousands of times. Those repetitive movements, seemingly so useless in “productivity” are essential to recovering the skills needed for everyday living.

          Like that stroke victim, I will continue in my routine writing tasks. My goals for the coming months may be tiny. Write every day. Write personal letters. Write a letter to an author whose books have helped me astronomically during this season of change. Write a synopsis of my experience and healing journey. Write letters to friends and family, reconnecting the frayed and lost threads of relationships. Journal my feelings every day. Force the words from my mind and, like the stroke victim, relearn and rediscover the ability and the joy of combining words in ways that create pictures and stories and emotion.

          Yes, these may seem like tiny goals. I won’t be writing to be published. Nothing I write will mean much to anyone other than me and the intended recipient. But this is my important next step. This is what is necessary to get me back on the road to writing recovery. These are my goals for the coming months.

          What are your goals?